All that you seem to think is that I am perfect…
When I say that I am not
you try and prove me wrong.
It’s flattering
but if you take the time
and look back on how much I have hurt you
you would most likely say otherwise
I know you mean well
and I know you truly care
but why do you love me?  
What is it about me
that’s good enough for you?

These feelings, they grow strong for you
even though I know
that I don’t deserve you
I always have and always will love you
It’s just my insecurities and my self-hatred
I don’t like myself
and I try to put myself down
I get myself stuck
I don’t want to be like that
I don’t want to cause you problems
or make you leave me
I fear you’ll find someone a lot better than me
someone who you’ll love unconditionally
and looks a lot prettier
a lot better
who actually loves themselves
who will love you as much as I do
Maybe someone who is closer
who you can see everyday
and not have to wonder
‘Will I ever see her again?’
or
‘When is she coming back?’
Someone who is talented
beautiful
someone you can show the world
and she won’t be afraid
and she will be confident
loving
caring
everything you could ever ask for
Everything that I am not
She would be brave
she would stand tall
she would be ready
she wouldn’t be scared to open up

She would tell you everything
and never lie to you

Everything that I could only dream to be

You said it yourself
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Yes, but for how long?
How long until you get tired of me?
How long until you don’t want me?
How long until you notice
every single thing that
is ugly about me?
Until you see that I am not beautiful?
Until you see how much I need you?
How clingy I am?
  How complicated I can get?
It’s exhausting for you isn’t it?

You tell me how you are tired every single day
and yet you still make time for me

I guess it’s because I am not used to love
I am not used to having someone
care for me and actually take the time to listen
and to understand

When I first saw you
I had this feeling
this feeling that I can’t describe
and every time I still see you
or even message you
I still get those feelings
I want to grow with you
and experience new things with you
I don’t want anyone else at all
and I have chosen you to be the one
my only one

Even if you do decide to let me go
I will always love you
I won’t choose anyone else
because I know
that I couldn’t love anyone else
ever again
not the same

If you choose to love another
I will let you
...As long as you’re happy
I’m okay
as long as you live a better life

I’m sorry
  I can’t trust that someone
could actually fall in love with me
and I am sorry
that it had to be you
who is to endure my pain
I never wanted for you to get hurt
I never want you to feel like you’re worthless
or not able to fix it
I don’t want you to think that
I am only with you
to get rid of my problems
that’s not the type of person that I am.

I may not be able to tell you everything
or sometimes
even the truth of it all
everything inside my head
everything I used to be
everything I still am
But I can tell you now

I am not perfect
I don’t intend to be