Starting Over
A short love story.

Have you ever been in  love?
I don't mean the teenage.
Infatuation years
We all suffered that.
I am talking the mid life crisis,
The is that all there is years.

Im talking  the two teenage kids
And a solid husband who is probably
Twice as unhappy as me
He's kind when I say.
No he understands.
but no passion no real love.
We are kind of roommates not lovers.
And God how I miss that.

But I have had a job for twenty years
I am the wedding planner
And events manager at the country Hotel..
If I say so myself I am good at it.
I bring the weddings here.
Day after day.
I watch every detail taste every dish.
Make it perfect for them
not so much  for me.


I don't want to think back to when I first saw him.
It was a mistake my wrinkles about my eyes
That make up won't fix,
He was in the wedding party
I noticed him at least  twenty years my junior
So arrogant and young.
so beautiful god the young have it all.
so handsome and and a world full of forever.
so much out of my league

Why does youth need to look
so ******* beautiful?
I always watch the vows
at all my ceremonies.
They touch my soul.
They mean something in a world that
Does not care.

I am forty four
Well preserved but if you look close
Behind my smile still forty four year old woman.
This wedding flowed well
as all of my weddings do.

But I saw him at that moment.
He was the saddest person in the room
at most he was 23
I am a romantic
an unashamed card carrying romantic.
I noticed his tears.
and wondered why he was so sad.

Afterwards I found him drunk
by the elevator,
I held his head in my arms
And asked
Why are you  so sad its a wedding?
He said I love her
but she chose my brother.

It's against hotel policy
But I helped him to his  bed.
It touched me.
Me who runs a tight ship
Me who has two teenage children.
And a Husband who likes sports
Probably more than me.

I still let my husband have me
about twice a week
When I am not too exhausted
from my job at the hotel.
Its It's a ritual a chore but I do it.

The following week
eventually unravelled my life.
He came to work at the hotel
under me, I was assigned as his boss.

After work ,
I found him outside waiting for a bus
I don't know why I offered him a lift.
Perhaps his sadness
Or perhaps mine
Who knows?

As we reached his home
he still lived with his parents
I said cheer up
do something to cheer us up.
i was thinking tell me a joke or a story.
He leaned forward to me.
With his long blonde hair
He Kissed my face
Then his lips kissed mine.
I Felt his passion
God how I missed that
My Saturday night mommy mercy
***** felt useless.
He had to go
I could not let him throw
my life under the bus.
No he has to go.

I tried to get him fired
he would ruin my life
i know he would.
Yet he was all I could think about.
and the thoughts were not motherly.
That's for sure.
he had to go.

my boss said
No way  you can fire him
he works very hard.

I gave him all the worst assignments
for two weeks but he did them
without complaint.
Washing the dishes
cleaning up the toilets.

Then he turned to me
in my office when we were alone
and said
I love you.
I know your my boss
but I I am in love with you.

The  three  blessed  words I had ached
to hear so badly.

I said I am a married  woman
twenty years older than you
with two teenage children.

He said softly
you never mentioned
your husband.

Then as I realised the omission
He kissed me
***!
I was alive again
something hidden and deep
stirred in me.
Something raw
full of want and need
and yes a glow of
tenderness swept over me

I have a key to a room
I keep off limits at the hotel.
I said go to 279
I stripped off my clothes
And covered myself
with a sheet like a toga.

He Came in and held me close.
I melted in need and desire
it burned like fire.
Me the take no prisoners boss lady.
I said to myself it's only once
why not what's the damage.
he's so beautiful.

I had no idea
I had fallen in love with him
Such a mistake.
Where  can we end up I said.
44 and 23 just don't mix

Perhaps after.
He had his fill of a mature woman
that never says no.
He would move on
just a nice time
a nice experience.
for a young man.

What I did not count on
was my possessive nature
I hated the girls at the hotel
offering him free ***
I heard it all the time.
they did everything
but take their **** out,
I got so mad at him even
if it was not his fault.
He was so
beautiful and Young.

I took him to my room every day
I stripped for him and he looked at me
with heated want in his eyes.
And he took me like an Ardent lover.
And I gave myself to him
anything he wanted he got.
i had lost the word No
from my lexicon.

My Husband found out
He watched me leave
with him And knew my
false excuses for my late arrival
home were lies.

I told him I was in love
The  whole family turned on me..
I went to my lover
he still lived at.
His mother and father's home
They were out for the day
We made love as always but
He said you are not with me today..
noticing my preoccupation
with my troubled marriage.

His parents came home unexpectedly
And saw me half dressed
on the stairway.
perhaps
More importantly
Almost twice his age.

yet his mother smiled at me
and said you are reason he is so happy
thank you he has been in a depression
for two years ever since his girl
chose his.brother to love.
i thought he would never
be happy again.


I went back home on the guilt train.
I-tried to fix my original home life
It did not work.when
you have tasted ambrosia
Meat and potatoes just don't cut it.

He was desolate without me
how can anyone feel like that?
About me for god's sake?
And I was broken without him.

I went to his house
signaling to my  family
I was  ending my marriage
I found him drunk
Crying on the floor.
like at the wedding when I met him.
but this time he weeping over me.

I said why do you want me so bad?
you can have have
any young and pretty ladies
of your own age.

He held me close
Right to his chest.
I could feel his heart beating
through my breast.

And he whispered
almost in a primeval sob.

He gave me the only answer
that made any sense.at all.

Because I love you honey
and there is no one  else
in this world for me.

the new beginning
Jude