I've tried to tell myself that I'm a good person
but at the same time I don't feel like it
I've tried to understand these feelings I have
but it's hard
and I'm not sure what to use as an outlet
whether to hurt myself until I can't do it anymore
or constantly abuse substances that aren't good for my body
I want to stay asleep
but I have to keep going
because that's what we're told to do
"Follow the rules"
For some reason
despite wanting to feel normal
I can't be normal
I can't function correctly

I try everyday to be happy
yet I can't be
I can't choose to be happy
because everything says that it's wrong
my head says that I don't deserve it
and nobody understands that