I was not always as lost and broken
As you see me now
No, not always.
When I was born into the world.
I was covered in tiny twinkling lights,
They were everywhere on me, so lovely.
You could hardly see
the spaces between them.
Lights on me everywhere.

That was before I found out how to be deceitful.
That the truth had many shades and hues.
from purest white
to darkest black
with so very many greys.

Sometimes a small light would fade as I lied.
Mom there won’t be alcohol there..
Other times a row of them went dark.
Mom I did not sleep with him. I promise.
Then some lies made them all glow dimmer.
It’s alright Dad don't worry
I don’t do any drugs.

Now much older
I walk alone in the city streets.
On a rainy dark night
the store windows
look like a hall of  mirrors.

I can see my reflection ghostlike
all my pretty lights
Have faded away.
I look tired,lost and jaded.

But if you look very closely
between the falling raindrops,
like tears streaming down the windows.
You may see just a few of my lights left.
Only  a glimmer of them
hardly visible at all.

So stubborn
they wont be the last ones
to go out.
They are around my heart