the worst part of all is that i miss you.
and i really hate that i do. and i can sit around all day beating myself up about missing you or i can just let myself. i can let myself think about all the things you did that made me smile and about the way that you complimented my hair, even though we both knew it looked bad. i can think about every time you kissed me and nothing else mattered. i can let myself miss you.
i deserve to be able to miss you.
and then i will think about every lie you told me, i will think about every time you said something that hurt me so bad, and how i covered the pain with my artificial smile, when i deserved to be actually smiling. i will think about how when you kissed me, i know that you wanted to be kissing her instead. i will think about how you did. kiss her instead.
i will think about crying alone in my bed and feeling so inadequate. feeling so ashamed for letting myself cry over someone as mediocre as you.
you do not deserve me missing you.
but i can't change the fact that i do.