Blocking out the world
Watch where you step with eyes glazed over
Caught up inside

So what if glaze gets teary every once in a while?
Like a ceramic mug collecting condensation every time it realizes he doesn’t remember what his little buddy looks like anymore

Long hair let’s me know I’m growing from the thoughts out
Probably why the locks are so crazy

Long hair helps me block out
All the people I see everyday
I guess It’s fair since I never see you anymore

I can follow hallways
I’m lost in my ow nmazes

If I keep looking inward for a way out
My eyes will just roll back
And that works out since I’m sure I look half-dead anyway

Today I saw a picture of you in a wrong turn
It may be the right move
But you never know when you play checkers by yourself for so long
I hope you’re not playing checkers by yourself
I did That for years
And by the time I learned chess I was already getting beat
Go give Jacob a hug from me

Tearing up in class is so dramatic
And so is writing poems

I might see you on the side of Heaven where our family is together again
And was never ****** up to begin with

But for now you’re in my head with all my other thoughts
my baby sister, that’s no place for you.

You aren’t tall enough to go on that ride
But who knows how much you have grown in the time since I saw you last

I have to scroll through photos of a time I don’t like to remember
It’s my fault for not making new memories

Your smile is my favorite
You drew the short string
I’m the reason why Dad is frayed at the edges
So run with the thread
See how long it takes before he’s at the end of his rope
If he doesn’t hang himself first

I wish you could leave
Right now, he’s Dad.
I knew him as Sir.
Right now you’re too young to see it
Your mom cries herself to sleep.
She buys her own dinner at McDonald’s
While you sit down to dinner with the rest of the family

I’m not there anymore
I still know what’s going on
Your birthday is coming up, and I don’t want to miss another one
You’re so little
And 2 years out of 4 is bigger to you than it is to me

You’re the last one of the bunch
So you bet I’m worried I’ll miss it.
I’ll be 20 by the time you start kindergarten
And if your mom and Dad ever **** each other
I’ll adopt you till you’re 20

Making up for lost time means making amends with someone who never seeks forgiveness
And I don’t think Dad will ever allow me back at the table

So I’ll watch you blow out your candles over video
And put out my anger with tears
Because I don’t think I’ll be at your party this year.
I love you.
Happy birthday Breeana.