I count the stars each night before I lay to rest
I try to connect the dots between the freckles on my skin
I run my fingers over my scars like they’re ink on paper
Unable to be erased, and scribbling them out would only make them appear more obvious
I wish I could forget myself even for a little while
I wish to pluck my heartstrings and release the song I’ve been keeping inside of myself for far too long
The intense pressure that would be lifted from my being would be enough to allow me to fly
If only.
I wish to float in an ocean of dreams without sinking to the bottom
Or becoming seasick.
I wish the sun wouldn’t blister my skin
In the same way that your love does.
I wish the ringing in my ears would cease even just for a second so I could peacefully listen to the song I’ve had drilled into my skull for days now
I just want to get it out.
As fall arrived I remember feeling such a dread deep in my bones as I realized it would not be an easy one
Like a blanket falling over me I was covered in goosebumps with alcohol surging through my veins as my bloodshot eyes opened their gates and the tears started to flow
I just wanted to lay in the grass with crumpled leaves in my hair and count the stars as I took my last breath
I feel like I wasn’t asking for much.
I just wanted the air flowing through my lungs to cease like the aftermath of a mid-october hurricane
And I wanted to feel my heart slow to the point where it emulated the drums of that song I couldn’t get out of my ******* head no matter how much I tried to muffle the sound
But I wasn’t so fortunate.