HE WAS TOO YOUNG TO KNOW..a short romantic love story by Jude writing as a woman

I know I still look good, for my age that is.
thank you, my fitness trainer,
My  beautician
and eating salad until my nose twitched.

At my age I should have known better.
But he was so beautiful, so ****** lovely.
But, he was way too young for me.25 at most.
I should have just walked away
But God is not so kind to divorced women
on the red side of forty with a
lot of disillusionment
about modern urban life.
My husband cheated on me
with his young secretary.
Tell me you haven't
heard that before.

I met him at a family get together.
a BBQ with awful food
and cheap wine.
it was his youth I think
it glowed like freedom.
So full of life it touched me deeply.
All the emotions he was to feel
All  yet to happen for him.
Not all jaded like mine
that had already been
and faded away

He dumped his girlfriend
when he saw me.
I don't for the life of me know why.
She was pretty and perky
and so very young.
Fresh and open.
not like me at all.
No not like me.

He caught me looking at him
but I did not release my gaze.
That was cruel, he was a just a boy.
I found out later he was Twenty two.
He gave me all that I needed at that time.
All the things my rat ******* husband
had never given to me.
His honesty
his newness
his youth ,
his energy.

I admit I used him for his beauty
and for the bright  life he was.
Life that shone from him like a beacon.
But what I did not know
Was that I was falling in love with him.

He undressed me with his eyes and smile.
I could not wait to undress for him.
To have me anyway he wanted.

My dear mother always so wise.
Said let him go honey,
it will end badly.
But I didn't.

He moved in to my urban nest.
The few hundred square feet
of New York, that was all mine
where the outside world ended.
And I kept it locked out.

After a while
I was miffed
he did not have a job like I did.
That he sat around playing
Playstation all day.

But then he kissed me
and say I love you baby.
and I melted for him.
And my clothes
fell to the floor again.

One day...
I got real angry
when he was drinking beer
with his rude friends
in my apartment.
When I got home from a hard day at work.
and I threw him out.

I told him he was never going to be what
I needed, he was too young.
He moved into his buddy's place.
And called me ten times a night.

Then I saw him again
it was in the local deli.
I moved a can of caviar
From the separating shelf
To see him again.
and he was buying steaks
on the other side.

I took him home to my place
undressed as usual for him.
He would not wear his ******.
He said I want you to have our baby.
I froze like a deer in the headlights.
I wish he had just ****** me.

All of a sudden.
I saw his vulnerability.
I saw what I was doing to Him.
I saw his youth and his inexperience.
He was just a baby.
and I was playing with him.

I knew I was a honey trap for him.
A trap I could not set.
A trap that was now going
to break my heart.

So I opened the cage leaving
the door wide open.
And he flew out, into
the wild rarified air of life
above the mountains.
Free of me at last.

I saw him again about a year later.
I was drinking wine
at my favorite bistro with a group
of my old friends.

It was near the holidays
The cold new York frost
had formed on the window.
His breath melted a small section.
as he looked inside
our eyes met.
And they burned a hole in my heart,
He waved to me as he
flashed his beautiful smile.

I caught my breath and
my heart beat so quickly..
I wanted to run in the street
and hold him like a baby.
To say its alright honey
come on home.
But then he turned
And walked away
into the icy winter cold
of the old city

He had a young woman
on his arm.
They looked so right
so good together.
I felt the tears forming in my eyes.
I knew I was back to the bottom step
of the 12 step program for broken hearts.

I think now it's likely
That I will never get over him.
I still dance the choreographed
movements of love.
With other imposters.

But when the night falls
And the twilight
is swallowed by the darkness.
The aching starts in my heart.
And I know it is the price I must pay.
For my sins.