It's been so many months since I've seen you
So many months
Of silence
Of waiting
Praying, hoping, wondering
More waiting
So many months have separated us
That now when I look back at our pictures
I feel like a stranger
Looking back on memories I can barely remember
The pictures feel like dreams
From a foggy afternoon nap
I don't recognize the closeness
I can't recall the intimacy
It all feels so far away
So far gone
That when I say I'm not even sad anymore
I mean it
I miss you of course
I miss being happy, really happy
But I'm not sad anymore
It isn't a new pain
It's hardly even a pain at all
And that worries me because missing you felt so routine
It was the only way I felt close to you
Missing you
Was a part of me
The sadness was my rawest form of intimacy
The closeness of concentration at night
Trying to remember your arms wrapped around me like anchors
All the times I begged you to stay
All the times I knew you couldn't
It's been so many, many months
And still, I wait