i was screaming
in my car the other day
right after i had an interview
for a job that could change my life

i was screaming
because i was ripping apart
this shroud
of falseness
and fear
of comfort that isn't real
of a life that has been
secretly empty for the past year
unknowingly killing myself
and yet deeply knowing.

realizing
how sacred and valuable i am
the universe sitting inside
waiting to be released
energy pent up
waiting to be set free

hateful i have been
unkind to myself
setting myself up for failure
by falling into the same traps
over
and
over
again
drowning myself, my heart, my spirit.
dead inside.
thinking about suicide
thinking about a world without me
my responsibilities done

but enough is enough.
i grip my own shoulders
shake myself
"hello!"
"wake up!"
"are you ok?!"

yes. here i am.
I'm ok.

I'm ok. Oh. I'm ok.

Reborn.