Jul 2018
Hollow.
When I wake up I’m in this building. Low gray decrepit rotting from the inside out. I know what I’m doing here but I don’t understand why my spirit won’t give up. The husk of my heart barely emitting a whimper of a beat. I constantly try and find them their laugh echoing over and over in my head. Not the thing that’s replaced them. I keep chasing the tatters of their laugh. The last dying rays of their smile. The warmth from their hugs. But I always end up passing cracked windows broken down staircases. Back to the room where the empty cavern of my heart lays in pieces. Ribs somehow mortifyingly enlarged. Lying across the ground in chunks shattered and broken apart from the concussive blast of pain and sorrow. I collapse in a pile of ashes. Falling to my knees. Trying. Trying so hard to piece the ashes together but they just run through my fingers. Slipping away like grains of sand my tears mixing together. The blood blending in. All of my dreams. All of my hard work every single effort. Shattered like a window. But instead of shards just cutting me. It falls through. The powder brushing across my skin leaving trails of blood behind. Still able to mock me. I thought for once that it was done the cycle was broken. It was finally broken. And when I fell. Into that circle of broken bones the ash puffing up around me. Shards of my heart bleeding. I thought I was out. But when I fell into that ash. I fell right back to the start.
When I wake up I’m in this building. Low gray decrepit rotting from the inside out. I know what I’m doing here but I don’t understand why my spirit won’t give up. The husk of my heart barely emitting a whimper of a beat. I constantly try and find them their laugh echoing over and over in my head. Not the thing that’s replaced them. I keep chasing the tatters of their laugh. The last dying rays of their smile. The warmth from their hugs. But I always end up passing cracked windows broken down staircases. Back to the room where the empty cavern of my heart lays in pieces. Ribs somehow mortifyingly enlarged. Lying across the ground in chunks shattered and broken apart from the concussive blast of pain and sorrow. I collapse in a pile of ashes. Falling to my knees. Trying. Trying so hard to piece the ashes together but they just run through my fingers. Slipping away like grains of sand my tears mixing together. The blood blending in. All of my dreams. All of my hard work every single effort. Shattered like a window. But instead of shards just cutting me. It falls through. The powder brushing across my skin leaving trails of blood behind. Still able to mock me. I thought for once that it was done the cycle was broken. It was finally broken. And when I fell. Into that circle of broken bones the ash puffing up around me. Shards of my heart bleeding. I thought I was out. But when I fell into that ash. I fell right back to the start.
