Someone once told me that God didn't create humans
to walk the earth alone
He made us to come together as one with someone else
to grow and walk through life with
I've been around human beings since I took my very first breath
and honestly I still struggle to see why human interaction
is way better than loneliness
Being around people drains me sometimes
to the point I wish I didn't exist at all
Sometimes I wish I had the ability to numb myself
so I couldn't feel anything
Feeling leads you to make choices that only hurt you
in the end
Maybe it's because I am the black sheep in my family
and it's the golden rule that the black sheep is the one
that should be **** on periodically
Maybe I am just a gullible idiot for believing that for once
in my ******* life I can trust someone who will never let me down
Maybe I am insane for hoping and praying to be different
to do things different so I don't end up miserable and hating
every second of my life when I'm old
Maybe it's not other people
Maybe I am the one incapable of handling other human beings
because my whole life has been disappointment after disappointment
Maybe I am the problem
Maybe my constant fear of being shoved away like garbage
once a person sees my true colors is what causes me
to self sabotage anything good that comes my way
Maybe I do self sabotage my happiness
but maybe I wasn't meant for it
Maybe when I was born the Lord forgot to write my happy ending
where everything works out and I don't have to worry about
being let down anymore
Maybe I am finally realizing that all of the good
I had once believed in were just fantasies I cooked up in my head
as a little girl to cope with another beating I got for breathing too loudly
Maybe my fantasies were so great I actually lost my mind
by believing I deserve all of the things most people don't ever
dare to dream about
Maybe I am always going to be the one
who wishes she could be better
yet continues to ruin everything she touches
Maybe it's not other people who are a disappointment
Maybe it's me