The president turned to the camera and said, grinning
We are here today to pardon a chicken
I do not mean the Senate Majority Leader.
But a true American patriot.
He could not fly like the bald eagle.
And escape his fate.
But I am pardoning him as an act of mercy.
With all presidential authority.
He can go to the zoo and be petted.
By the children
A White House staff member looked very worried.
He whispered Mr. President.
The tradition is to pardon turkeys.

The President threw up his hands and said,
Alright.
Where is the turkey.
I had one for breakfast this morning.
On rye bread with cheese and mayonnaise.
I guess I could pardon his brother.
They said I should watch my portions.
The White House staff member said, almost shouting.
Mr. President that was the turkey!
The president was silent for a moment.
And said, smiling, I commute the sentence of the chicken…..
I was recently advised he is not eligible for pardon…
The White House staffer put his head in his hands and muttered.
No, no it does not work this way.
None of this works this way!