I remember visiting my mom in rehab as a child. I didn't understand the extreme pain most of these patients were going through and I especially didn't understand why my mom was here. I only have good memories of that place. Our moms met there and that's how I became best friends with your sister. I remember the smell of your oak wood home in the middle of the woods and the huge fireplace in your mostly glass living room. Whenever i enter a house and smell a fire place it instantly takes me back to your home. I remember little baby blue nipping at my feet as I ran across the huge field you had in your backyard and jumping on to the trampoline while we laughed at the fact that Blue couldn't reach us up there. The old broken down tractor at the edge of the woods that we would pretend to drive all the time. My mom slept on your couch and I would visit for the huge fancy meals your mom would make for us all. At that time you were several years older than me and you knew what was going on. You understood that the probability of you ending up like our parents is at a higher percentage than most. I understood nothing. I don't know what happened between our parents but I didn't see you guys for several years after I entered junior high. Fast forward to my first year in college and there was your sister standing at my front door. Friends of friends is how we found each other. I knew this couldn't have been a coincidence and that's a lot coming from someone who doesn't believe that there is a meaning to life. We catch up and reminisced on old times spent together before we exited our childhood. It's almost as if we had never seperated. Several weeks later an unrelated friend told me how he had caught someone doing heroine in the hyvee bathroom while he was working and had the cops take him away. That same night your sister called me to tell me you were in jail. You stayed in the same rehab facility our mothers had and your sister told me how everything was exactly the same but how strange it was to see it all in the eyes of an adult. I finally met you one last time while I was at work and I noticed how happy you made her and how big the smile on your face was. The kindest eyes I had ever seen in my entire life. Several months later they found you dead from an overdose on heroine at you house in Oregon. I brought your sister flowers expecting her to be devastated but she seemed calm and only wished to be outside with her friends. A week later she broke down in my bathroom for the first time.
I had never before attended a celebration of life but as soon as I showed up I knew you would have loved it. We swam in the river with all of our clothes on to cool off and I let everyone hotbox my car several times just to help cope. I ran away from my mom upon her arrival because I knew I reeked of ****. You would have found that hilarious seeing as though i'm nearly 21 and you know the stuff our mothers did together when they were younger. I met your girlfriend and although she seemed at ease it broke my heart to see such a beautiful small yet strong woman go through what has happened. We all sat around a huge bonfire with glow sticks and fire dancers doing tricks in front of us. I watched your mom and your sister do the most beautiful spiritual dance around the fire. Even though they had no idea what they were doing it nearly brought me to tears. Your family loves you Ryan, Your friends miss you and I am happy that you have been given the chance to move on from this universe and hopefully start over somewhere new.