after i’d gotten rid of the vines and thorns
cutting off the circulation in my arms
i’d finally escaped you, my love
you were no longer a constant reminder
that i am broken
and i am never enough
i’d become my own person

and ever since then
floating alone has been so blissfully intoxicating
because, yes,
i was still covered in scars
but i couldn’t hear your voice
or even remember it

now
my feet have touched the ground
and my skin is shocked at how harsh the wind can be
you were ugly and cold
but not all ugliness
and coldness in the world belongs to your heart

and i am so lonely
i will kneel on the ground
grasping at soil and far-gone corpses
in hopes to find someone

to just spend the day with;
not attach myself to,
but someone who’s company doesn’t suffocate me
that i can tell about the pretty girl i may be in love with
and about how sometimes i have dreams
that feel like nightmares

it would be okay
if i had someone
i don’t
and so much of the time i’m numbing myself
building walls between myself and my feelings
i can forget that it’s not okay

but it’s not,
and i wish i had someone to make it okay.