I wake up getting jumped on,
Pulling my blankets over my head
being forced to wake up
and deal with what you guys call life.
But I call it a monster
that picks at me and picks at me
some days he picks bigger pieces of me
other times small
but at the end of the day
I'm still scared that he is going to pick at me
until I'm no more.
And I'm sorry,
I'm saying it again like a broken record that just keeps on repeating.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for ******* everything up,
I’m sorry for being weak,
I’m sorry for being sad all the time,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Maybe if I lock myself in this room
And never come out
I will never have to be sorry ever again,
Would everyone be happy then?
Would you be happy?
I lay here,
I’ve been lying on this floor for a couple hours now
motionless
like a calm pond in the middle of the winter, frozen solid.
But my mind it seems to be in reverse
is more like an ocean
filled with waves, tsunamis, and hurricanes
mixed up until I don't know
what I'm supposed to think or feel anymore,
I am dying,
No not really dying
Just my insides they seem to be rotting away,
Turning into pitch black.
As I try to fix it, it only seems to multiply until my insides are covered.
I am alone.
I wake up, sometimes that's the hardest thing to do is just wake up.
when you’re awake
you hear your mind talk to you, and I promise it's not very kind,
”You're a mistake, you're doing everything wrong, you will always be lonely.”
I then go to school,
I see the people I once thought who cared
and they seem to be growling at me.
Every step I make
seems to be heavier than the last
and I seem to be doing it all wrong.
Maybe I should just stop and freeze,
I'm not living
I'm barely surviving
and you might wonder, what's the difference?
I'll tell you it's big.  
And sometimes I catch myself wondering
Why do I care?
Did you ever care?
I doubt you did
you're so close, but at the same time so far.  
Your eyes are like that of a doll’s
I can't even see you anymore in them.
I hate you.
I tell myself this
I hate you.
you have hurt me to the point of brokenness but at the same time, I still care.  
Why do I care?
I ask myself this, why do I?
I don't know.  
I want to tell you how I feel,
but I can't seem to find a way.
I still miss you
I haven’t been the same since you left
I guess that is what happens when your other half is gone
But I promise it does get better
It guesses it has to.
It hurts
but time makes this pain easier to forget.
So goodbye
Goodbye friend