I’m so sorry for not doing what I should have done all those times
I wish I was a better daughter
I’ve been speaking my wishes to careless gods
Not one has come true
Maybe there really isn’t a god
But I can’t tell you that—then what would be your reason to continue?
I can’t lose you, not yet
I haven’t apologized for my ways
and expressed the ache in my heart
But it’s scary to be vulnerable
and I’m a coward
A self-hating coward
You would say I fear for I don’t believe
I would say you believe out of fear
Maybe I’ll confess to you at the end of this year
Or maybe I’ll keep it to myself again
and then something awful will happen and I’ll hate myself forever
It shouldn’t be this hard to tell someone what they mean to you
Why does it seem this will be the last thing I ever do?