I'm just at the moment where I'm wanting to drown myself in the frozen ocean my heart has become, I'm floating perpetually within the ice wanting to be bitter but you are hacking through the layers of frozen water to pull me out and I don't know how I feel watching it. I don't know how I'll feel if you do pull me out, my inner self is cold to the touch and I crumble once I start talking about my past so I just keep everything held back. Cause if I don't I'll fall apart. I'm scared of love.

I don't know what it is that scares me, you know those nights that I told you about? Where I just dream of darkness? I feel entirely cold and I know I'm submerged under that layer of ice. That's truly what I dream of, and that's why I wake up gasping for air. That ocean has been thawed out before but he took everything he had to pull me out, and everything was sweet for awhile until I lost my touch of reality again. Once he saw how messed up I was he had no choice but to leave and I fell back to the waves where over time it froze over again. And before him many have done the exact same thing, so I'm afraid this will happen with us and I'll loose you both. My love life has been nothing but a cycle.