We blanket our fears with silly defense mechanisms to shelter any shame we carry From every angle we stand we are judged at first sight We pretend we aren't critics but we are hypocrites everyday As we seek the forgiveness we can't give in return We make promises and sugar coat little white lies As we defensively reassure the world we are mistunderstoond and unique The truth is our narcissim reeks like bad perfume suffocating everyone around us As we stand tall for whatever it is we believe in It's just denial Because inside we are tormented with insecurities and charachter defects Inside our stomachs are fluttering with anxiety and secrets too painful to remember Inside we are incarcerated with a plethora of misguided ghosts screaming for an escape Inside bombs are bursting out gunshots and out hearts have bullet wounds to prove it Our viles of happiness are never satisfied We are always seeking more But we are never sure what we are looking for Some sort of accomplishment or recognition Maybe validation A sign that we are still breathing with a euphoria seeping out our pores into the air A sign of greatness Maybe we want that picture perfect dream that we fantasize about until we reassure ourselves we are lunatics for wishing We feel debased because our choices keep the odds against us We are incapable of managing our own lives And maybe nothing will restore our piece of mind It's insanity--our thoughts I think its called delusional Because in reality nothing goes as expected We had learned to cope with self medication Because all the doctors were wrong Something had to fill our voids in our hearts Something had to stop the brain from processing emotions We chased after something invisible A force that spiriled our lives down into the ground We ran away like little children afraid of the dark Because we thought the pain would be like daggers through our hearts Stabbing us over and over again until we died from sufferance The pain was too frightening to look directly in the eye If it were easy or if there was a simplier way of figuring it out we wouldn't have wasted so many years battling the addiction that wears a shield of armor If it were easy the grass would be green and we'd never have to water it If it were easy we wouldn't be so sensitive to triggers and flashbacks It's not easy It is World War 3 every single day There is a chip on our shoulder and a devil on the other jumping up and down eager to break us He is whispering temptations; Seducing us with our vices, pushing us to collapse like an avolance until we overdose He is waiting patiently and constantly because he knows us so well We were weak for so long and he is hungry for our failures He wants us to throw our hands up and call it quits And the worst part is just when we think we've won it gets worse And we are forced to stand in the mirror and detect every flaw of imperfection we wish to erase And then it comes back all our defense mechanisms The way we present ourselves to the big whole wide world Biting our lip in sufference Haunted by a past of turmoil and depression It is hard to communicate to those who don't understand our demons We are looked down upon and there is another stupid burden to carry Because everything adds up and we get tired of all the negative We get stomped on and spit on and drug through hell But then something clicks And we look around the room and we realize we are not alone We are brave, strong and somehow still alive And there is a person to your left an another to your right starring right through you But all you can do is hand over the keys to your self destructive behavior and pray that help is on the way Because we are addicts batteling the same devils in different levels of the game Because we were dealt with a bad hand But we played with what we had And suddenly everything was ok when we walked into the doors to our recovery and said Hello, I am an addict