or even remember that despite my sheer smallness and insignificance writing poems helps me sleep like weaving my own tapestry of bedtime stories something larger than life to me
but i’ve forgotten how to write, i guess i’ve forgotten how to sleep and how much i loved both granted, they felt like secondhand talents thing i’d learned to love only because this pretty girl did or this pretty boy told me i made words dance and twist
i’ve forgotten how to breathe, as well, without every other breath sounding like a heavy sob that i can’t stifle, simply because everyone keeps me at a distance i might as well be standing alone in a hallway with the whitest walls;
again, i’ve forgotten how to write poems i can’t even find the words to tell you how empty walking near you feels
it’s a distant memory to me, writing poems sleeping breathing
a bit of the distance i’ve wedged there myself like when i see someone being held held like that is the only thing keeping them intact i feel just a little more cracked
but believe me, being touched makes me cower in fear and i feel nothing not the warmness of another body, not the softness of someone’s heart, whose made themselves vulnerable enough that you can see right through them
i can’t make myself that sheer maybe invisible, but not so crystal clear that you know what is inside; it’s disgusting, and you would not be in in the least bit interested, unless maybe i was crying.