even with all the love letters that I've sent
I know I don't kneel low enough to really repent

all you ever ask of me
was to give myself unrestrained, completely
but so much of me lives in the past
always I'm the drifting ship without a mast
and you always knew it
but me leaving you proved it
now your anger is almost all I feel
seen in every passing glance I steal
and I can't blame you
for hating what is true

now I'm cashing in memories just to wear a smile
but the sore pangs of life's true cost come every new mile
and every thought of what's lost drives me into someone's arms
looking to find the same protection and charm
but stranger after stranger makes my life a little stranger
and where there could be new connections there is only mistrust and anger

and the ache of constant questioning drowns me in another drink
and I swallow the color from another glass till I'm back over the sink
facing that awful mirror that always tells the truth
that silently describes how the tears in these eyes are the proof
that I don't know how to love you more than I did
and I know it fell so short of everything you wanted
and now I know I regret it myself too
all the needed things I couldn't give you

but I don't know now who I am without you here
when I look backward to our past I see myself then so clear
all I can do now is give these apologies for all your realized fears
that I couldn't be the true love that you could always hold dear