you begged for life.
fists clutched,
knees close to giving out
once again.
you closed your eyes and
begged for life.
you wanted to feel something other than this growing anxiety for the unknown
and fear of abandon even from yourself
as if parts of you were already wailing their hats on moving trains.
there had to be something right?
something in the books that you overlooked,
that you haven't tried,
or in other people's words
"haven't tried hard enough".
not wanting to feel is one thing
but begging the joy and the euphoria to fill your veins again is another.
you cranked up every song that used to make you feel alive,
you cleaned every inch of the house,
you rose your hands to the sky together and pleaded to be saved,
shoving every thought of
"this is just my bedroom ceiling."
out of your mind.
you ached to feel,
you begged for life.