I thought about overdosing on some pills today
it's been awhile since I've wanted to do something like that
I feel so guilty for allowing myself to go to such a dark place
but lately it's all I think about
I'm just so sad all of the time
I struggle everyday to keep myself afloat
and I don't think anyone understands how lonely
and terrifying that is
I feel like such a hypocrite for pretending to be happy
when in actuality I am miserable
I just don't see the point of anything anymore
and I don't understand why
I am so young
I am so talented in ways I never give myself credit for
I have family and friends who love me
I have been lucky to grow close to a man
who would take a bullet for me without hesitation
and still it's not enough
Something is missing and I can't figure out what it is
I don't want to die
but I don't want to be sad either
It seems so impossible yet it's true
I am caught between wanting to live so badly it hurts
and wanting to die
I can't understand it
I don't know how I got here
I don't know how to fix the way that I feel
What I do know is doing this by myself is not the best choice anymore
I can't do this on my own
and I don't want to