You found out last night.  
I lied and said it was from a year ago, that I don’t do it anymore.  That the girl I was worried would notice was my ex-girlfriend, not you.  

But now you know, and I don’t know what to do.

You called me on the phone last night.  
You sounded worried.  but oh god, I could see it in your eyes, you were beyond worried- you looked petrified.  You asked me if I still did it, if I still painted my skin with that sharp point.  And as I was telling you no, I rubbed my finger over the marks that were healing from last Thursday.  And a part of my brain was telling me to stop- that I was going to hurt the people I loved most, but oh that other part was telling me to go to the bathroom and reopen those wounds.  

I don’t know why I feel this way. I should be better by now.  I should be healed.