Walking on water like a melancholy messiah
I'm on top but I'm not standing I'm sinking and drowning and my constant frowning leaves people asking, "are you okay?"
I'm fine, so I just say
That I'm living the daily dream
While in my head I constantly scream at the top of my Limbic Lobe lungs
Lungs filled with the water I supposedly stand on
A Holy Baptism bubbling inside me
My reverse Rapture to a Heaven upside down
Down down down
Sieze it and bring it down like a crooked crown
A king crucifying his kingdom with his lack of wisdom
Educated but none the wiser
Penny pinching money miser
Minimizing the gravity of the situation
Brushing it off when someone says they need a vacation
I know my station in this dismal world but my lights are dimming and my eyes are skimming the white washed walls for a way to get out but there's no way out and I can't understand what it is about this dreary place that leaves me feeling so in pain
It's insane how no one believes the things you say
Because "that's just the sarcastic way kids talk now-a-days"
Actually no when I say it I mean it and you don't have to dream it to see it come true
I'm talking to you, don't you see that the water filling my chest cavity overflows out of my eyes and I mask it with lies like, "oh I think I have a branch in my eye. Or it's just allergies"
I'm on the edge of my metaphorical ledge
Being nudged closer and closer
I'm the composer of my own sorrowful symphony
I'm more of a poser a bulldozer and situation imposer
An impostor by nature
Growing giant and gaunt green leaves that are speckled with disease
The type that sway in the breeze and are pulled apart by the lightest touch
A touch of pure bliss your poisonous taste on my lips leaves me begging for a cure
Something crystal and pure to clear my tainted pallet
A liquid ballad hydrating my veins slipping down my throat like a garden snake or a cobra because the words that cleanse me are the ones that end me and I choke on the cacophony of your cream filled words and sugar dusted desires
None of which inspires me to do anything except destroy myself
I work to employ myself with time consuming tasks
And no one has to ask me twice to do anything
Because I'm just too nice and I guess that's the price you pay for demonstrating your Holy Christian vice
Let me give you some advice
Don't take anything from anyone
I don't mean things
I mean words and letters that tear you apart and put snags in your favourite sweaters
Each vowel repeating like an owl wondering who who who could be drowning me in my own freeing fountain
I've climbed every mountain to get where I am
I am who I am
Each consinent a consistent reminder of my internal inadequacy
The inadequacy you gave me
The way you made me
The concoction of cosmos you used to create me
But you wanted to add a touch of imperfection and with your clumsy omnipotent hands you dropped the bottle and it all poured into me
And I'm left here with a shattered mirror and a it couldn't be clearer that I'm not what you wanted me to be
"Abide in me and I in you"
But how can I abide in you when you aren't there for me
When you don't answer me
When you let the floods rage within me and you won't part the sea
Don't you see that the flowing water is slowly killing me
But it's you
Your eyes staring into mine but you're not really there
You're no longer part of me like you once were
You don't care
I don't call your name the way I once did
Where were you?
Where are you?
Where am I?
I plead to the sky
The empty barren sky and shriek at its white puffy ashes
The all encompassing vastness of a hollow place
Knock at the gates but no one is home
Did humans create God because they felt so alone?
I can't answer that question
And time in succession to me will struggle just as fondly with the vicious cycle of faith and faithless
To bathe in the endless curiosity
Spinning at a sickening velocity
Wondering where the Lord's generosity suddenly vanished
Like the king who was banished from his own castle
Biting from that forbidden apple
Begging for forgiveness
But nothing except silence rings through the air
Wondering where He could've gone
Only to stare and glare into empty space
I'm scared
Because every living thing dies alone
With nothing to remember them but thick slabs of stone
Nothing but a waste
I've been placed to face the void
Laced with the inability to erase the sins I'm paying for
Salivating for one more taste of that juicy core
Hoping to explore what might lie beyond that gilded door
I'll get back to you one day Lord and I'll even the score
So don't start a war because I'll be armed with my emotional Peace Corps
Leave your arms open and the light house beaming at your shore because I know I will see you again
And although I don't know when, I hope you'll accept me and ask where I've been