When I close my eyes
I can see his half
Smile half smirk
I can see his distant eyes
That somehow find me

I can hear his laugh
And feel his strength

I remember what life was like
When he was my
backbone
How much I laughed
How tall I felt

When I close my eyes
I can feel his weight
I can feel my heart panic

My skin remembers the trace
Of his finger tips and
And how all I could do was
Freeze in place

The air felt heavy and
My tears so light

Stop.

“It’s okay. I love you.”

Stop.

And then I open my eyes.
I love you too.
I love the version of you I knew
And the version I knew was hidden

I saw your souls and there was black
And parts are unexusable
You’re actions will not be dismissed

In a number of days
The gavel will click
And the metal will swing

But you should know
I loved you so

But it was never okay