It seeps into my body like an invisible ink
following all the misleading signs of my mind.
I try not to listen to its absurdities
I try not to be afraid if they are true.
But I can’t help but wonder
Do they know something I don’t?

My logic often gets in the way,
constantly in disarray.
I beg my heart to listen to my head.
My head tells my heart to listen up good.
But my heart...

That cavity in my chest that brings me so much unrest.
It makes me cower in its power. It owns me
Something deep inside.
A force so abundant I struggle to hide.

It knows.
Everything.
I can feel it.
And is wrenching me apart.

Its not enough.
Doesn't fill my veins with the right kind of blood.
Its too thin,
Pleasures of this kind of life leave me slain.
I would rather have pain, intense pain.
Than this normal feeling.  

Life is not meant to be a stroll
but a panicked tumble into the unknown.
Full of wonders and delight and confusion
and well I don’t even know

I would love to open my eyes
Really really wide
See what is right in front of me.
What my heart can see and I now I bleed.

My hands caress a body that is controlled.
But inside lays such a storm.
It is scratching on the walls of my skin.
It sends messages through the breath going out and in.
It allows little whispers to flow through my heart to my head.

Unless you are totally alive then you are part dead.