i get lost in my head and there's no way hence,
i'm like a street that's got no pavement,
stuck in a prison that's got no fence,
sometimes my mind cracks,
and i don't know my name,
my opinions are put in sacks,
and i start to play a game,
i like to call madness,
where the rules are set by cruelty,
and the prize is set by sadness,
and you'd think i'd have immunity,
seeing as i've been here before,
but when the visions come flooding in,
my screams get loud by more,
but they're silenced by the pillow i cry in,
my shakes stopped by the bed i lie in,
yet my closed eyes see in perfect colour,
and i look at my hands and they aren't my own,
i don't know where my honour has gone,
i look in the mirror and there's a stranger looking back,
then my mind freezes and all i see is black,
then sounds and feelings are in my room,
they turn my sunshine to gloom,
and it's all so real and so painful,
and i don't know when they're coming or how plentiful,
they'll be,
they could last a minute,
or maybe,
to an hour from a minute,
could it be,
my head is a maze and the only way out,
is by reminding myself of who is going to shout,
to lead me through the dark,
and who caresses the mark,
or the plural of mark,
that rests on my wrists like a shark,
waiting to bite at whoever wishes to embark,
on a quest to turn me into a lark,
and rid me of my dark,
ness.
i'm such a mess.
i wish i could be ruthless.
less insecure and useless.
because when this **** happens to me,
i become a demon,
and i need someone to lean on,
to make it all a little better.
and i won't come a trend setter,
for depressed suicidals.