I’ve experienced many downfalls in. My life,  physical and mental abuse from mother and father, abandoned by father,  alcoholic  Parents, victim of ****** abuse, discovered my mother when she died...
I was falsely accused of child ****** abuse(found innocent) and had a shotgun stuck in my face during a bank robbery...
I attempted suicide several times, at least two were serious ,
My first attempt of sobriety was at the age of 20.  A year after my mother died, I was successful for 5 years....
Bent on and off sobriety several times since, at this moment, sober again for 5plus years...
The poem is trying to describe what I feel is the reasons for my struggles in being more successful in life than I’ve been, it’s as if I have preprogramming to failure...