i tried to tell them.
you don't understand how scared i was knocking on my counselor's door,
hands shaking,
knees numb,
on the verge of tears.
i couldn't do this anymore but i wanted to live,
i needed help.
for the first time,
i wanted to get better.
so i did it,
i knocked on the door of another with a ghost mind.
"i'm going to be healed. it's only up from here, i can feel it. things are going to get better."
i told her everything,
from my parents
to my siblings
to my friends
to how school drained me out to the point where i was numb.
she called my parents and my sisters and my brothers.
made me take a test to evaluate how sad i am.
she gave my mother papers of places to get help,
i did it.
i'm going to make it.
i'm going to see my graduation day.
i'm going to see my sisters and brothers get married.
i'm going to live.

but it didn't happen.
my family hugged me and for a few days there was hope,
there was talk of appointments.
but nothing.

a few days later, she told me that i should stay where i was,
my gpa was good and that's what mattered right?
it didn't matter if i've broke down while in class
or lashed out to teachers
or cried myself to sleep because of my class
or that this ******* class was one of the root that fed me my sadness,
right?

i found every paper given to my parents in the trash.
my siblings returned to their normal lives.
my counselor stopped seeing me.

it was like it never happened.