it's hard to write about the happy things or the happy times.
i used to write in the perspectives of other people so i can purposely lose myself.
i did everything i could to forget my name.
i forced my heavy eyelids to stay open while five sleeping pills tried to do their job,
this feeling made me feel not scared when the ceiling spun in circles over and over again.
i learned how to make my mind go into space while my body and soul were still here and every time i do it,
i regret it every time.
none of it works anymore though.
no matter how hard i try,
there's always a point in the night that reminds me that
i'm me.