how long has it been since i felt here?
looking at the clock,
the minute and the hour hand seem to go through periods of stopping all together and rotating so fast counter clockwise that i can feel my brain frying to nothing.
seeing you hold her and not me made me feel everything and nothing.
the environment i've been building inside my mind,
calling it my "safe place"
burned down to the ground.
watching the fire dance and kick my crumbs of progress made me feel the warmth radiate throughout my whole body.

how long has it been since i felt here?
i walk these halls feeling nothing.
sitting through hour long classes doing what i'm told to do and talking how i'm supposed to talk.
my friends break my trance of me consistently staring off into the space that i see in the wall and in every object i stare long enough into.

how long has it been since i felt here?
i keep telling myself to snap out of it.
that i'm here and i'm not as lost as i feel.
"you're young. you have your whole life ahead of you",
they tell me this all the time as they bury me and push me deeper into my end.

i feel completely and utterly lost.