It has been five months since we have talked last
and I have come to the conclusion that

I was wrong.

There is nobody left for me to blame anymore.

I have come to terms with the fact that
I acted like a child and that my behaviour
was toxic.

I understand,
now,
why our situation
ended up this way
and
that the reason for all
of this distance
was

my own unforgiving misery.

You see,
I tried to convince you to love me.

My ego made way
for my downfall
and
at the end of the day
all I can say
is that-

I do not blame you for not bothering to call.

Truth be told,
you probably did not want to hear my voice
and when it came to picking up the phone;
I probably did not even have the *****.

I was a small man acting in
selfish ways
wondering why
someone as
right as rain
would not give me
the time of day.

I labelled your innocence
as ignorance
when I was the one
in denial,
all alone.

And all along the time
I had chased after you-

I had lost sight of what I wanted to become.