Little smiling boy
I remember when you would smile all the time
Your widespread grin a bowl full of sunshine
Your teeth like colorful lucky charms,the dimples of your cheeks surrounding them with cool white milk
I know there were those times
When you would scream and cry
When the demons locked in your genetic code
Played bumper cars in your brain
Making bruises all over your cerebral cortex
Scratches and scrapes to mark up your amygdala
But when the cars would halt you would smile
Little smiling boy, oh how I remember how you made me smile
The way you would hug me little smiling boy
Paint joy onto my features
Fill your smile with laughter
At whispered inside jokes that only a brother and sister could share

Little smiling boy
You grew up so fast
The demons soon got tired and you shut down their theme park and built one of your own
Little smiling boy made me smile with pride
Pride as only an older sibling can
Smiling watching little smiling boy write his name on the lines
Not one letter skewed, almost as if his hands were a typewriter
As little smiling boy reads, rolls words off his tongue that were held back too long,
Little smiling boy reciting every species on the planet as if nature was his second nature
Little smiling boy joining his classmates
Raising his hands up high in glorious victory
happy

But smiles fade
Little smiling boy you may still smile, but it’s not the same
Why? Why do you frown so much little smiling boy?
Let your smile sag, becoming a mask
black fabric to cover your features so the world can’t find you
And when they want to find the reason  that you hide you reveal the face of a predator
snarling and fangs, leaving at least one scar on their minds
before the mask comes up again
You may still tell me jokes little smiling boy
Ones that you find on your distraction box
But all your jokes do his hit me with darts
Your words hitting closer and closer to the middle of my cork center
I pluck each needle out of my body
Each one stings
Echoing it’s origin

Little smiling boy, you still smile
But your smile scares me
Strikes fear in my heart
You smirk down on those who are hurting
Little smiling boy smiles at those down on their knees
Little smiling boy see’s red and smiles, but not at the luck it holds, but the misfortune
He see’s death and smiles, but not with respect or a solemn gaze
Little smiling boy, do you smile inside?
When you face stares at me blank, your tongue tearing my heart over and over
Do you frown inside, little smiling boy?
When you lie through bared teeth
Saying “ I do love you”, right after you’ve left me to stitch my heart back together again
Pulling out shredded threads from previous mends
Stitching with dental floss, just to see if it will hold out longer
If it may make my heart fresh and new like mint
When I see you little smiling boy, you still smile,
But it scares me
You grin while I grieve
Grieve that I can’t stop loving my abuser
That I can’t run away from your ocean
That all I can do is plunge in and drown a thousand lifetimes over
I see you grin open wide  holding  rows of sharp metal
Ready to gouge everyone near with their prickling words
When did this happen?
When did you stop smiling?
Was it amidst the years of puberty, the extra boosts of testosterone it gave?
From the things you watched in your distraction box, the images I didn’t want you to see?
All I want is you
Little smiling boy
Wrap me in your arms again,
Hug me, hold me, promise you’ll never hurt me, promise you’ll never leave me
Please learn how to smile sunshine again, little smiling boy
Because little smiling girls need their little smiling boys
Or else they can’t smile