Apr 2018
UPDATE:
distance is misleading..
you think its what you want, and maybe it is but it is also not what it seems.
the idea that "if we can work from this far, we can definitely work" is so wrong.
communication is one thing, its good & once you can communicate you think you're already at a great start.. but its complicated.
i thought it could work simply because i was willing.
we both were.
but, there was a disconnect.. sometimes people dont realize their own flaws. they notice the flaws of others but when it comes to realizing personal issues, they become oblivious to whats seems so obvious.
i can state my every flaw, i can own up to them and i can apologize and adjust myself.
but he couldnt?
i appreciated his effort,
but in efforts to show my appreciation, i failed.
i valued him beyond what i showed him,
i was a wall.
i thought he understood.
he said he understood.
i was the one creating trust issues? though i was simply trying to adjust, i never disrespected. i kept my word and without being sure if it could ever work, i continued to seclude myself.. making myself unavailable to anyone that wasnt him.
it was clear to me that whoever was before me made it harder for me to ever get a fair chance and i was fine with that because i know how it can be!
everything that was thrown at me, i understood from another person's stand point and i adjusted without ever distancing myself or leaving..
but it wasnt enough!
i put everything anyone has ever showed me aside and i trusted that he would never hurt me.. i knew that he would leave and he made me believe that he wouldnt.
i hesitated.
he left.
though, im still here
better than ever now.
all i wanted was time.
all i wanted was the permission to repair the broken pieces of me,
in hopes to give you the best version of me.
all i needed was time.
its a process,
it still is.
but some people prefer finished pieces over works in progress.
honestly, all you gave me was honesty and clarity,
you were there, always.
thank you.
our timing, so off.
but our encounter, as small as it may seem
was essential.
you were everything i didnt even realize i needed,
you were everything i wish i loved and cherished while you were here.
but now you're there,
im still here.
my mind and my body still crave you,
the love i have for you still awaits its release.
you are perfect in the most imperfect way.
beautiful loss..
distance is misleading..
you think its what you want, and maybe it is but it is also not what it seems.
the idea that "if we can work from this far, we can definitely work" is so wrong.
communication is one thing, its good & once you can communicate you think you're already at a great start.. but its complicated.
i thought it could work simply because i was willing.
we both were.
but, there was a disconnect.. sometimes people dont realize their own flaws. they notice the flaws of others but when it comes to realizing personal issues, they become oblivious to whats seems so obvious.
i can state my every flaw, i can own up to them and i can apologize and adjust myself.
but he couldnt?
i appreciated his effort,
but in efforts to show my appreciation, i failed.
i valued him beyond what i showed him,
i was a wall.
i thought he understood.
he said he understood.
i was the one creating trust issues? though i was simply trying to adjust, i never disrespected. i kept my word and without being sure if it could ever work, i continued to seclude myself.. making myself unavailable to anyone that wasnt him.
it was clear to me that whoever was before me made it harder for me to ever get a fair chance and i was fine with that because i know how it can be!
everything that was thrown at me, i understood from another person's stand point and i adjusted without ever distancing myself or leaving..
but it wasnt enough!
i put everything anyone has ever showed me aside and i trusted that he would never hurt me.. i knew that he would leave and he made me believe that he wouldnt.
i hesitated.
he left.
though, im still here
better than ever now.
all i wanted was time.
all i wanted was the permission to repair the broken pieces of me,
in hopes to give you the best version of me.
all i needed was time.
its a process,
it still is.
but some people prefer finished pieces over works in progress.
honestly, all you gave me was honesty and clarity,
you were there, always.
thank you.
our timing, so off.
but our encounter, as small as it may seem
was essential.
you were everything i didnt even realize i needed,
you were everything i wish i loved and cherished while you were here.
but now you're there,
im still here.
my mind and my body still crave you,
the love i have for you still awaits its release.
you are perfect in the most imperfect way.
beautiful loss..
