I hate returning to that,
Dark corner in my heart.
There is so much so say,
And I don't know where to start.
All the issues I have,
Is beginning with me.
Issues I never wanted,
The worlds to see.
I've done a great job,
Hiding them perfectly.
The more I write,
The truth comes out forcefully.
I swear i never wanted to be the girl who.
Cripples myself in jealousy,
Always watching them before me.
I know its wrong,
But i cant help envy quietly.
I cant be happy for your blessing,
Because I'm comparing myself and it gets depressing.
That's only the top layer of my truth,
I let hate grab me of my youth.
The deeper secret is I had hate in my heart,
Everything around me was falling apart.
I put the blame on everything else except me.
But the real reason is me.
A lesson I had to learn,
Is people's love and respect is something i had to earn.
How was I could I expect people to be on my level,
When I was walking so close to the devil.
The desperate need for attention,
Was causing the constant rejection.
I had to realize I'll always be misunderstood,
I will always be judged and that's something  that needed to be understood.