I haven't been in control of my life in a very long time. Women have taught me to do what they say when they say and how they say and if you follow their rules enough and let them beat you down enough and allow them to humiliate you enough then if I am lucky I will have that one moment where I can close my eyes and shut my ears for moment and lie to myself and believe that because a woman Is allowing me to be inside of her that she actually loves me. I have those few seconds where I believe that notebook is real. I have those few seconds where I believe the lie of I'm worthy.