You were the breath of fresh air
That I didn’t know I needed
Until we met
I have been so used to suffocating
That I forgot what it felt like to breathe
Always being deceived
Into thinking that being alive and living
Are the same thing

I inhaled you so deeply
That I was high off of happiness
But the rapidness of my feelings
Brought me back to reality
My reality is only a fallacy
Knowing neither of us are ready to fall
Or give it all
We’d rather gather weeds from the backyard
Than reap the seeds we are too afraid of sowing
Knowing that throwing away love
Is easier than taking the time to make it grow

And we’ve come to an understanding
That it’s better if we don’t let our hearts take control
Our heads are much better at making these decisions
Rather than stitching incisions from where past wounds lie
Disguising our scars as victories
Left as mysteries to discover
Going down on one another
Only interested in learning the anatomy
That we give so absently
Not bothering to hide our selfishness

This lust is a consuming fire
And I’m burning
Yearning for more of you with every taste of your skin
I used to think that you were good for me
That your affection wasn’t merely a distraction
It’s only when I’m left with the ashes
Do I see how destructive this obsession is
I have to stop letting your moments of kindness be my moments of weakness

You have some sort of power over me
And I can’t stand it
I hate looking in the mirror seeing that I have become your puppet
Treating me like a culprit when you’re the one pulling the strings
You’re picking me apart at the seams
And you don’t even notice me unraveling
I’m seeking validation on every occasion
That I’ve wasted chasing you
Praying that just once I’ll feel good enough
To stand by your side

I’m playing Russian roulette with my emotions
Hoping that the one that kills me is the happiness
I initially felt
And not the jealousy that has so carelessly
Taken over my being
I’m tired of feeling used
But I don’t know when to walk away
Caught in the sway of this complicated wave
I told you that I don’t handle complicated well
But you don’t seem to mind as long as you get what you want
In the end
And I’m left stuck with feelings of uncertainty
As you carefully leave
Making sure there’s no room for me to follow

I’m sick of rearranging my thoughts to suit your needs
Making myself available because I’m incapable
Of saying no to you
Knowing I deserve better, settling for someone
Who doesn’t even bother to show
I wish I could let go
Because that would be a whole lot less painful than holding on