so i reach this after all    teach myself after all    that after every fall from each torturous height and frightening ache that’s made me crawl    in the wake of what it’s taken to survive each tooth spitting brawl  
i am proof that nothing can diminish a survivors soul to nothing at all    and no matter what you call it or     what its commanding    i am still standing   maybe a little less tall    but on my own two feet for what its worth even with this curse   the weight of my absent self worth   i have given birth to some kind of hope and   i know now i can send it forth to return to cut loose this noose rope    with what i’ve learned about always   feeling deeply that i can’t keep all the pieces of me together neatly and i yearn   sadly so badly wanting to  
       watch the world burn  

my reckless life has tried to beat and eat alive all i've strived for but i have arrived at 33 i have survived      not completely living but somehow alive