"just undress here, and put on this gown"
i stripped myself bare
soul on display
i put on the flimsy blue material
my back peeking through the slits

im led to a bed
and suddenly im being pushed away
away from my mother
away from everyone

they didnt even let me kiss her goodbye

im wheeled through metal doors
everything reeks of bleach
the type of squeaky clean that burns your nose

we stop
a pass is fumbled with
"surgical hall: authorised personnel only"
the light goes green
"access granted"

the doors hit my bed with a bang as i am pushed through them
blinded by the bright lights
4 of them, surrounding a table

a 'bed'
but really just a thin mattress
propped onto a high metal table

there are people in green robes
with masks covering all but their eyes
they stand, waiting

im laid down
and suddenly i feel a strap
across my legs
across my torso
"its just so you don't move around during the surgery"

i nod, silent
my heart in my mouth
my hand is grabbed
and i see a needle

"this will hurt okay?,
i close my eyes
as they try to locate my vein
nope, again
i **** a breath in as i feel metal in skin
an iv drip hooked to a clear drug

my dressing gown is fondled with
my chest bare
i feel the cold tip of a marker
a hand tracing
x marks the spot, right?

my head feels light
and i feel fear in my bones
i think of your face
i think of you, red

suddenly there is someone above me
"breathe in deep"
a mask is lowered onto my face
in slo-mo it seems;
probably just my mind playing tricks on me

i breathe in
at first everything is fine
then it starts to burn
the air flow changes
anaesthetia
it burns my nose
i don't want to breathe
it hurts
but i must

i think of you
and i inhale
i feel a tear
escaping either sides of my eyes

i see a nurse notice
and i hear her voice, fading
"its okay"
my vision goes black