I forgot flowers, so I laid down my guns
as a peace offering.
I walked to your side
shrouded in black
Dismal
Destitute
Dismantled
Disheveled

I shoveled the dirt to the side myself
After all,
I was the murderer
I was the maniacal mastermind
Always pacing
Mind always racing
Thumbs always flitting

Some of mine is mine to keep
but I'm really bad at that
so I decided to keep it all
inside myself

Beside myself with loneliness
for quite some time
I decided to dig you up again
Nothing changed
Your opinions still flared
Your pictures still dared
my eyes to glimpse

I found myself void of expression
with the exception of a curled upper lip
Suspended in disbelief
Saturated in thoughtlessness again
Not again
Never again I promised

So I scratched and clawed the surface
Handful
after
handful of earth flung feverishly
behind me until I needed a ladder to climb out

I pushed you back into your hole
The whole of you lie there together
The hole in me didn't close
but your body would rot soon
and all I had to do was keep walking
and leave the corpse behind
as I spent the next few weeks
Clearing my mind
Alone
Secret
Broken
Woken by reality

I never stopped thinking though
I can't
I won't
But I will bury you forever,
and I will grow
and maybe you'll all grow with me.