For years upon years
I've searched for the words to express the turmoil in my mind

For every fervently spat out, "What is wrong with you ?!"
And every horribly drawn out night spent sobbing til exhaustion.

How do you explain to the person who's believed in you more than anyone else in your life, that this sadness is never-ending.

That this deep unshakable weariness feels like lead coating every inch of my body.

That it feels like every horrible thing my tounge has ever stuttered.

Like every involuntary twitch of hand and every nervewracking lurch of nausea.

Like unsteady heartbeats and cold sweat.

It's lonliness, doubt and self-loathing.
Because no matter the love.
No matter the light.

The sadness is engraved deep in my soul.