When mother and father
often create insults,
older brother joins the battle
knowing he would lose,

I close my eyes
slowly, like entering
a dream that
I can control
by it's length
and it's confusing images.

My bed, which sheets
tell the story of satisfactions,
turn to the warm mattress
on the beach in California.

Mother Earth
blows the breeze on my pale
hairy skin
– I shiver with pleasure.

Shouting turns to
laughing
from my friends
that I don't have or
neither will get.

Sand drains between
my toes, beach ball
bounces from my head
- I laugh with joy.

One of those
young, vulnerable people
could look at me
that particular way.

Hot breathing next
to my sensitive neck
followed by sloppy
tongue work – I moan
with excitement.

I open my eyes
slowly, like being born
again and I find out
the fight is still going on.

Brother's voice is lost
Mother shrieks
Father yells

- I cry with despair.