i treat people as they treat me

yet lately i have realized

that i do not do this

no

in fact i treat others
with much more respect
tenderness
love
care
appreciation

then they have ever given to me

if they were to fall
you could bet i would
be there to pick them up
tend to their wounds
heal their broken hearts
wipe away their salty tears

but for me?
rarely has anyone ever
been there in hard times
and stayed for the after party

or let me cry
while they hold me close
and not expect ***
to follow

or keep me around
because i boost their ego
with all my compliments
and sweet nothings
i whisper into texts
that i send just because

where men i dated
come and go like the wind
"oh no she has emotions!"
i've cried more over heartache
than of joy
in relationships with the opposite ***

i'm 27 and yet my social resume
is that of a 16 year old

my closest friendship
dissolved into nothingness
only 2 weeks ago
my heart completely shaken
to its core
my heart utterly broken
into more pieces than its ever been

but when i look back now
from this side of the window
i look in and see how
in love i was with her
and how not so in love
she was with me

and with this
i look to my other friendships
hoping someone will hold out their hand
and pull me close
and whisper soothing words
and let me cry the hardest i ever have
to accept me in this shattering
heart wrenching moment

to find that not one
did
any
of
those
things.

things i wouldn't ever question
to do
for them

so i take back
my love
respect
kindness
helpfulness
tenderness
support
care

and absorb it back
into me
where it belongs
and where it is
appreciated
and adored

i am a lover
my heart lives on my sleeve
i bare my soul to find
a person who can also
do the same
and not flinch
at the sight of a
passionately emotional
human being
who isn't numb
or afraid
to feel