maybe if i did things differently
maybe the outcome wouldn't have been this bad
maybe if i stayed with you mom
maybe my little brother wouldn't be dead, maybe this all my fault,
maybe if i just forgave him for intruding my body
you wouldn't hate me as much mom for putting him away
maybe if i forgave you for all the abuse over the 15 years you wouldn't hate me
maybe if i was better with dealing with things wouldn't think of me as a problem dad,
maybe if i was normal you wouldn't yell as much dad
maybe if i wasn't 20 pounds over weight you wouldn't make fun of me, maybe if i died you understand i do have problems that can't be fix in 365 days
maybe if i didn't  have ptsd you wouldn't complain about taking me to therapy, just maybe.....