Some days I curse his name until I rest
And others I call him in the middle of the day so he doesn’t take his life
He is hurting
Deep down he really is
His heart breaks
But it’s his hands that shatter it
So he is silenced

I try not to think about him
For I begin to feel guilty
Guilty for being the reason he needs help
Guilty for staying true to myself
Guilty for not being who he wants me to be

And then I begin to feel angry
Angry that he tore apart my life
Angry that he acts like he didn’t
Angry that he is everything a father should not be

Yet I am silenced too

For he is broken
Sleeping and dreaming of a life
A life he didn’t ruin

He keeps guns close
So I must keep him close enough