I don't understand why it is so difficult now When before it might not have been easy but it by far was never this bad I can't hear the whisper anymore I don't know if I ever will again Why can't I wake myself up? I haven't cried in a long time I haven't truly expressed any type of emotion except for anger in a long time I don't remember myself anymore I miss a lot of things If I knew back then what I was going to be like now I would run like hell and try to change a lot of things Someone once asked a question "What are some regrets that you live with?" This is what I would answer with... I regret the day that I didn't ride my bike anymore. I regret the day I started wearing make up. I regret the day i straightened my hair. I regret the day I didn't wear my retainers. I regret the day I stopped playing sports. I regret the day I stopped swimming. I regret the day I stopped doing gymnastics. I regret the day I stopped being a kid. I regret the day my Grandma died and I realized I knew nothing about her. I regret the day my Grandpa died and I never got to tell him how much I love him. I regret the days I took for gran-it when I could talk to my mom face to face I regret the day that I didn't be a little nicer to my brothers. I regret the day I didn't live up to being the Youth leader I should have been I regret the day that I decided I wasn't good enough I regret the day I couldn't look in the mirror and not hate myself. I regret the day I boxed up my emotions. I regret the day that I let society take who I was. I regret the day where I no longer felt important. I regret the day that I ran away from everything. I regret the day that I told myself "there is no turning back" I regret the day that I lost a friend. I regret the day where I became angry. I regret the day where I saw my friends turning and there was nothing I could do. I regret the day the world fell upon my shoulders. There are so many regrets. Far more then just this short list. I'm in a moment of life where things never seem to get any better. There are still the same unsolved problems as yesterday and life still doesn't get any easier. The best I can do for now, Is smile, and pretend like nothing really matters