I lay in awkward silence...
Intimancy all but taken from me.
My ability to shut down has become my personality...
I say a few words he doesn't understand.
He sees only what he wants to see.
He seeks only to pacify me...
Hopes all issues will just disappear.
He sees nothing wrong with how things are.
I am so lonely.
I shouldn't be.
I have basic needs that just never seem to get satisfied.
There must be something seriously wrong with me.
Am I broken?
In my throat forms a lump but I can not cry.
I am weak my greatest fear to be alone.
I can be with myself and spend time with myself but oh how I just want someone to love me.
Not in the family way not in the friend way but to look at me with desire and passion.
To put me on equal ground.
To really make me into their partner.
No one does tho.
I turn over to lay in awkward silence on my other side the rain falls outside...the sky at least knows to spill it's greif.