There's an ache it's hard to explain.
I hate the silence it seems to taunt me.
Remind me how alone I really am.
Ache for people to understand my desperate plea.
Yet no one listens.
No one wants to.
I ache for a little heartbeat that once was intertwined with mine.
I choose his happiness over mine.
But he doesn't need me.
No reason to want me.
My skin shivers with the desire to be wanted.
I feel utter hopeless invelope every bit of optimistic foolishness.
I sink.
It's not painful it doesn't hurt. I am not sad or tearful.
It's like a whiteboard filled with marks of emotion all of a sudden is wiped clean.
Blank...
Nothing...
A hole... something should be there.
A puzzle...
Knowing that something just isn't right. That hopeless desperate feeling...the hole is there filling up but with all negative emotions..
Self doubt, low self esteem, I'm useless, who really wants me anyways, rejection, undesireable, ugly, alone, wanting to bleed(fighting the desire to rip into my own flesh just to help me feel), just not good enough, naive, stupid, worthless, unattractive, ****** up, deserves to be alone, all these thoughts fill that hole.
Then I am nothing and everything all the same time.
But that everything is nothing all the same.
Viscous cycle of absolute and utter missery and torturous absence of exuberant life force
But it goes on and on
And tomorrow will be the same and the day after that and that and that.
And suffer for all eternity because my mind tell me I am destined for this fate.