I was in the bathroom, grouting tile, when my neighbor screamed out in terror. I dropped my marital aid, I mean putty knife, and ran to her assistance. Her brash ****** bespoke of harsh nakedness. I tore off my bra and covered her objectionable parts like Australia covers Tasmania. “There,” I said, “now you'll be able to go anywhere that you want, fully confident in the knowledge that my brassiere is carnival-side-show-freak huge.”